HOMGness

SOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I have now ordered plane tickets to Helsinki, plus booked the hotel and I've already gotten the dir en grey tickets so everything is in order!!! I am so psyched, I am actually going to see Dir en gey for the THIRD time!!! It's just AMAZING!! AAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *giggles madly*
I'll also conveniently get my second salary in week 44, the day before I leave, so I'll have money for food and another Dir t-shirt while I am there!

This last week I have been working in a kindergarten in Rælingen instead of the one in Kløfta where I previously worked. It's nice enough there, but I don't like it even half as much as the first one. I miss my kiddies, especially Kaja. The new ones are of course adorable, they're sweet kids, but I am not so sure I like the atmosphere in this one. Here Ri-san, they had nap time >_<. Luckily I didn't have to supervise it, I think I must have tied them down or something. And it's coooooold and I can't afford a proper jacket (Thanks dir), so I was freezing my butt off most of the time too. I also didn't like how strict they were to the kids, plus they had divided the kids up in age, which was different too from the first one, where they had mixed ages. I think mixed ages is the best, because it gives the small children role models to follow, and I notice they have an easier time dealing with the different stages of growing up. Like the oldest kid in my division was four and he still made in his pants all the time. It wasn't a casual accident, but every day. You'd think a kid that age should be able to go to the bathroom when a kid a year younger manages without any troubles, so.

Tomorrow I and my sister has volunteered to go and collect for this year's television-campaign. It's for AIDS stricken children, the development of AIDS medicin and better hospitals in the worst places of Africa. We're collaborating with UNICEF this year. I really like this day, but I previously haven't had the chance to be a part of it because my schools have never bothered (WHICH MADE ME SOOOO FUCKING MAD) and I could never afford donating much myself either.

Yet another week has passed unreasonably fast. Now there's only six days left until I leave for Finland (OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG). I have a total fangirl spas/seizure/squee moment every time I think about it >_<. I am dreading the plane ride a bit; I'll have to leave REALLY early. As in latest at 05:00 am in the morning early... brrr... Luckily my uncle's new girlfriend offered to drive me, as she works at the airport and she has an early shift that day anyway. Thank Jeebus I don't have to struggle with trains and luggage that early in the morning.

In other news: I have started yet another kindergarten again. This one is in Fetsund, while the previous ones where in Kløfta and Rælingen, not that these names will mean anything to the most of you XP. This new kindergarten is much better than the one before! The people are SO nice and I fell right into a place the first day. This time I worked with the children in the small division. Everything from 0 and up to nearing 3. It's really cosy. I thought first it would be difficult, because when I worked with the older children I had problems getting contact with the younger ones because they can't talk much at all. But as soon as you get close to them you realize how incredibly intelligent they are! They're all so different. Like little Elias who're everywhere ALL the time, but he's a really sweet little bugger. He just turned 1 and has a lightening intelligence I tell you. He wanted to climb up on the table, but couldn't so the little thing went and turned the playing box on its head and dragged it towards the table so he could use it to climb on! I had my jaw on the floor the entire time I watched this. Then there's also Ruben, who loves fast cars and kittens XDD He's also a really stubborn fellow but love to snuggle. Whenever things happen that he does not agree with, like another kindergarten nanny telling him he can't have something or one of the other kids are mean, he run towards me with open arms and yells "mama, mama!" and of course this melts my heart so bad I have to give him whatever it is he wants XDDD And talking about two sided children, we can't forget Dorthe. She's this tiny little doll with dark curls and really startling blue eyes. In the beginning she was really shy and didn't really want anything to do with me, but as we got to know each other she turns out to be this really cool girl! She has this deep really awesome laughter that makes all us adults burst into laughter ourselves. She sounds so EVIL! And she eats like a horse and is really stubborn about things! She can't talk much though; she just makes sounds really quietly. But sometimes she forgets herself and yells out whatever it is she wants XD Kamilla, the oldest girl on the division is really nice to have around, for she makes sure to keep all the other kids in line whenever I have to run and do something else. We also really enjoy making sand cakes together XD Well, I'd love to write an essay about all the kids, because they really deserve it, but I can't because then I'd be sitting here the entire day!
Soooo, just to close the new kindergarten ranting I was dressing one of the girls to take them out for a little stroll when two older girls come into the wardrobe. They ask a bit about why the little girl was crying and I explained it was because she was a bit tired before naptime. So we talk about things and then one of the girls asks:

Girl #1: Do you wear a bra underneath?

The other girl looks curious about this new show of knowledge and asks before I have the ability to answer:

Girl #2: What's a braunderneath?

I'll have to stifle my laughter and answered her: Bra is what ladies have to use when their breasts get bigger.

Girl #1 *looks at me with huge eyes*: You're a real lady?!

Me *trying not to burst into laughter*: Well yeah... just a tiny lady.

Girl #2 *proudly*: But you're a lady anyway!


God I love children XD

Birfdays

Yah. Turning 19 is just idiotic. There's no point to it. I just got used to feeling 18. Bleh... I always have these HUGE expectations for my birthdays but... eh... I'll just play sims 2 today and forget the day exist...

edit: Man this day has been so much worse than I thought it would be. I FUCKING HATE my birthday, and I can't even explain why. I just want to cry. I've wanted to cry most of the day actually. I have no idea why... I got plenty of sms, my mum baked two cakes and my gran and cousin came over for some coffee.. I dunno. I guess I just still go waiting for that surprise party or something... It's just after every birthday I feel so fucking empty... and I don't know why. The fact that I am rapidly growing older must be a part of it but... fuck... I feel all emo now, and I can't even explain it. I guess I just want my birthday to be a bit more special... maybe I should organize a gathering with my friends... but I have no money so... I can't even afford going to my own birthday party.

Damn.

Fuck!

DAMN!!!!!! I've managed to lose ALL my notes for a specific story!! They were really detailed notes too, and now I'll have to make them all new >_< I don't fucking feel like it, because they were perfect!!! How could I lose them?!?! They were on my mother's computer, I remember transferring them to this one, but I can't find them on either computer now!!! All I got left of all my fucking notes PLUS FIRST CHAPTER MIND is their bloody names! And I can't even remember their last names >_< Fuck this!! Well, I do have the plot of course, but typing up notes and research is the fucking hardest, most boring part of it aaaall. I had been looking forward to this day off so that I finally could continue, but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I'll have to fucking type up all those fucking notes again!!! FUCK IIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!! *shakes fist at the entire world* /end rant


On a different note (I am still seething here, fuck!!), do any of you remember these guys, Ditta and Kim? Well, I was at a party of theirs this weekend, where I of course met this girl... -_- We haven't been talking since that post, and as it turned out not a few minutes later, she was invited to the party also. When she walked by me on the train, our eyes met, and we both KNOW that the other saw us, but we both pretended that we hadn't seen them, while we knew that the other knew. Yeah, messy already right? Anyway, as we got off the train, she was tagging along her idiot boyfriend, we were met by Ditta and Kim and a lot of other people, so it was easy to absorb ourselves in them and we didn't need to talk at all.
Anyway... well, I am a weak person. I remember I told myself that she was out of my life now, that I was better off without her... hah... it took me two ciders and her a few glasses of wine before we were hugging and bawling in each other's arms. I am btw invited to a party at hers next weekend... I dunno... I should feel bad about it, but at this moment I am feeling rather good. As if a burden has disappeared. There can't really have been a day where my thoughts haven't strayed to her and I've wondered if I did the right thing in cutting contact.

Anyway, I managed to get thoroughly drunk at that party even though I only drank two ciders, two Smirnoff Ice and half a kitchen glass of Baileys with ice cream. Apparently this was because I was ill (sinus inflammation, throat infection, bladder something and a stomach flue ftw!), and I was already drunk by the second cider so I really struggled with the rest of that drinks. I remember walking with Ditta down the street in shoes a thousand sizes too big for me, we were laughing about that a lot. And then Kim came bike cycling without shoes (it was his shoes I had taken) to collect us and bring us home. We were at the train station o_O wtf? I remember hugging and crying with Adriane, I remember making out with Ditta (she started it!!) I remember falling asleep beside a guy who insisted on poking his finger in my ear and scratch my back. I woke up with a heavy pump on my head, bruised biting marks on my arm, two broken fingernails, bruised knees and a scratched up palm o__________________________O After two ciders, two Smirnoffs and half a glass of Bailey? Keep the alcohol away from me people!!!

Well, I'll just return to my writing and rewrite all those fucking notes... FUCK!!

Wah, I am back working with my kiddies ^^ Only for this week though, and possibly next, I am not sure. I work with a different group now, but since we're outside 90% of the time it's no problem at all.

Today I suddenly got the order that I was to come with the group to a farm. I was initially given the message that I was to stay with my first group, but they needed another adult (read someone to send to do the dirty work) with them. But it was a beautiful hot and crispy (yes both, autumn for the win) fall day, with a dark blue sky and yellow and red leafs on the trees. We got to ride with a horse and carriage, and it was just awesome sitting there smelling the horse and the hay together with the kiddies.
Growing up I lived on a really old farm in the middle of the forest, and during the summer my mother worked in a cafeteria in a historical museum. This museum consisted of old houses and farms, and I spent my young summers discovering every secret one could, running around these old houses, knowing the entire place like the back of my hand. Anyway, my point was, this farm consisted of such traditional old houses, and the smell all this brought back the best summers of my life and I was just overwhelmed. Getting to run around with the kiddies who were just so excited about everything made me remember how discovering things for the first time made childhood just so completely magical.

I mean, they got totally psyched by a puddle by the road on our way to the farm o___O They're so sweet and innocent, I love 'em. Even though some kids are a bit more difficult to handle, eventually, with enough patience, one can get through to them.

Yeah, but I am exhausted most of the time. Last week I managed to get a combination of sinus inflammation, throat infection and another thingy I don't know the english word on. I think I managed to get a fever again today, and I very rarely get fever so... needless to say, when I am finally home I'm dead meat.

Waaah first weekend >_< I am sooo tired, and of course I have gotten a wicked cold. Apparently it's customary to catch a cold the first weeks one work in a kindergarten... blaaah. But unfortunately for me, the hussy (yes she looked like a hussy) I've done the work for is all well now, so they won't need me coming monday. But talking with the boss of the place, they did need someone again next wednesday and thursday and they really liked me. She was gonna call my boss at once reserving me so she didn't send me somewhere else. Well, I am very pleased to hear that because I fell so in love with all the little kiddies in the kindergarten, it fucking broke my heart to say goodbye to them on Friday. Especially little Kaja, and I even got a goodbye hug from evil little Elias, whom I think have gotten to warm up to me the last couple of days.
I mean, getting to work with these children has to be one of the most educating experiences I've ever had. Yesterday I was given charge of the two smallest boys of my group, Mathias and William, who're both a bit over a year. Well, after a lot of struggling to get Mathias clothed, William is just a dear, he just sits there as I dress him, we headed outside. It was a beautiful autumn day, the sun shone warm and the air was crisp with yellow and red leaves falling leisurely off the trees. The two little boys were just wonderful to deal with, and for once Mathias didn't turn all wrong, it appears he's just starving on attention (Mathias is the smallest brother out of three siblings, Selma the bitchy one and Elias the evil one. They're all three the ones who make the most trouble of all the kiddies in the group, and I don't think it's a coincidence...). Mathias was the happiest little camper you've ever seen as he held my hand, William holding the other, and we walked through the little grove at the end of the kindergarten. Holding the tiny threes and shaking them so the leafs fell were apparently way fun, even William had to exclaim at it. William is also very excited about airplanes and cars, and points a lot and says "shepåhde!" which translated would be something like "look at that!". They climbed around a lot, but then William wanted to use the swings a bit but Mathias is too impatient to sit on a swing for very long. So I put William in one, and then I and Mathias headed over to the grass. I lied down, and within short time Mathias had lied down beside me, so I held around him. That little person holding tight on my jacket with his little blonde curly head on my arm as we stared at the blue sky and the waving trees.. I have no words for it. I think this is a memory I will carry with me as one of the most precious ones the rest of my life.

Later that day I sat feeding William, and Mathias sat on my lap because the other kindergarten-nanny had just dumped him on me, even though I had to leave to catch my train in less that five minutes. Anyway, I sat there with them, Mathias being quite restless because he had just slept and wanted to go out and about. Anyway, William is a sucker for food, whenever he sees the trolley with lunch food on it, he runs to his chair and asks to be buckled up in it. So he sat there with his little pieces of bread and I tried to entertain Mathias, and suddenly William reaches over with one of his last pieces of bread and gives them to Mathias!!! I was completely flabbergasted! Mathias took it and calmed down as he ate it and we had a nice time all in all. William also gave Mathias his waterbottle once in a while, so that Mathias could drink a bit too. I think William has to be the kindest soul in the world. Such a tiny little person, and he already knows all about sharing.

Needless to say, there were quite a bit of tears in my eyes as I said goodbye to the kids, as I don't know whether or not I will return to them. So many little people who've come to mean so much to me, and during such a short time too. It's just that kids don't hold anything back, they open their souls completely and they trust you to mean the best for them always. Man, if you haven't worked with kids, I highly recommend it, it will teach you a lot, and give you new fate the humanity again.

Like most of you know, I began work today and a lot of exciting things happened! At least they were exciting to me.

Kindergarten FTW might be the sentiment I have now, but I have a feeling that maight change as soon as I get really tired... but anyway! This was my first day at work, I had to get up at 06:00 this morning because my bus left for the trainstation at 07:05. Anyway, that was quite weird and disturbing as I've actually been going to bed around the time I now have to get up o_O But as I was dead tired last night I fell asleep around eleven, so I actually awakened by myself a bit before six... weird that.
So, I took the bus and the train, used a map to find the kindergarten (really wasn't that difficult) and arrived half an hour before work. I was ushered inside, greeted by loads of various women (all really nice), given a cup tea and set down to wait until half passed eight to begin my work. I thought that since I had arrived early they might as well just introduce me to the work at once, but it doesn't seem like they believe in working more than what's absolutely necessary. Weird girls.

I was put in a group of children ranging from 1 to 5. It's a sibling division, and that is why the age varies so, which was great! I got a taste of everything. The adorable little onelings running around and climbing up the walls like crazy, and the bigger bossier children who loved ordering me around because "they knew where everything is and such". But they were all adorable, I was completely surprised at their well behaviour! The only exceptions really was Elias who liked to get my attention by throwing rocks at the other girls, and Markus... but I think his problem went a little deeper than just being boisterious. He didn't want to talk at all really, and whenever he interacted with other people he was quiet and (to me) showed a lot of repressed anger. There was this adorable incident where we were taking a walk around the block, and they had to hold hands. But Markus wouldn't hold his friend's hand, and the other boy seemed so confused by this, repeating "But don't ya wanna hold my hand Ma-kus? We're best friends. But we're best friends!' And it was so heartbreaking I just wanted to take the two little buggers and hug them. Anyway, I managed to talk Markus into holding his friend's hand. He never went violent or angry whenever I spoke to him. Either he just ignored me or did whatever I asked quietly. Like when they were playing in the sandbox, and he lost his temper with his friend and began shoving him, and I yelled across the sandbox that he should quit it at once and behave properly. His head bobbed up and he stared at me with huge green eyes before sitting down, quietly playing again. It took maybe half a minute before I noticed someone standing beside me where I was busy building chocolate cakes with two other a bit younger girls. And he just stood there, I asked if he wanted to come build cakes or maybe we should make a castle together, but he didn't answer. He just stood there, beside me o_O

I also already received flowers!!! That was so peculiar! I was sitting on the swings (trying to ignore the girl who wanted to use them because I didn't want to leave the swings... ) when I noticed this girl (she was from a different group, so I hadn't seen her before) who looked exactly like me from when I was that age. The same silly cut bangs, the same middleblonde curls, the same little face, even the same type of clothes. It was like staring at a living picture from when I went to kindergarten! And suddenly she comes over to me and asks "who're you?" and I say my name is Siren and I'm gonna work there the next few days and I ask her for her name. Now I can't really remember what she answered, but suddenly she just held out her hand: "flowers," she declared "they're for you." These kids, honestly, they break my heart.

Like my new little love, who tags after me wherever I go. I think she's about three at most, and her name is Kaja. She has blonde hair, a tiny little face and huge grey eyes. She always plays alone in the sandbox, so I came and sat down with her, and we instantly became friends. She talks none stop, and I can't understand a single word of what she says. I think she talk about her mum a lot. We built sandcakes, she tore them down and was quite andamant in making the perfect cake. But she didn't get angry if it broke and didn't turn out well, she just laughed, said "it got ruined!" and smashed it with a spade. This she followed up with "gotta make a new!" but she said it in such childish norwegian it actually sounded like "gotta rake a new". For a while I thought she wanted to rake it but... And chiming in "now's enough! Now's enough!" when we filled the bucket. She would pour on more sand and say "now's enough!" and then hand me the bucket to turn over. She was quite an expert in sandcake making I'll tell you. And she copied everything I did. If I dug in the sand with my hands, she used her hands, if I took away the upper white layer of sand to get to the wet, she'd do the same and be imensly proud whenever she managed to conjure up the playable sand. Kaja was also quite concerned when another boy took my spade because he didn't have one and all was taken. "He took your spade, took your spade!" she warned me, pointing at the boy who looked like a deer in the headlights (he hadn't asked), but I just smiled and said it was ok, he could have it. That made them both relax and I begun playing with my hands instead (which prompted Kaja to do the same). Such a sweet little thing.

I was also set to the task of making treasure maps for every single child in the kindergarten out in the freezing wind on the bench I had to sit, three kids helping me hold the papers down as I drew after the instructions that a rather bouncy little boy decribed to me. He hasked me to make paperplanes too, but it didn't hold to his standards so he showed me how to make a proper one. Afterwards (he was from a different group) he came running out in the hall when I was dressing another boy and began chattering like crazy.

I could go on and on about this, writing pages up and down about each little child as they were completely adorable the lot of them. I was so surprised at how well behaved they were, and I had almost no trouble and needed to talk to some boys just a handful of times and break up a catfight a couple of times. I mean, I might get tired and see their true nature really soon, but this far, they seem to be the most brilliant people I've met in quite some time. It flabbergasts me to hear them talk because they're way more intelligent and aware of their surroundings than one would believe. I listened in on a conversation between two kids, where one loudly described the road to some mall they had been to, and where they needed to drive. I can honestly say I almost haven't a clue what the street I live on is called, and here the little kid on 4 knows all the complicated roadnames.
They also have such extremely adorable priorities. Like this girl I had never talked to before came over and told me excitingly that she was visitng a friend of her this afternoon and they'd play and then she'd eat at her place and then they'd watch children's tv and then she'd be driven home XDD They are gorgeous. To hold the youngest of them, when he got tired and was to take a nap and he rested against the crook of my neck, completely trusting that I wanted the best for him.

And then we have the little kid Wilhelm, who just flabbergasted me all in all. He was maybe a bit over a year, but he was one of the very youngest and one of the first kid I noticed when I entered the kindergarten. He sat buckled up in his highchair and stared at me with this scrutinizing "who're you" gaze. This really intence, curious and slightly strict and forbidding face, the little kid. And he wasn't like the youngest boy (Mathias) at all, even though there might just have been a few months apart. This little kid, completely silent, I can't remember him having uttered a word all the time he was there. He just sat by himself, playing, and once he came over to me to show me his doll, which he seemed particularly proud of, before putting it in a trolley and roll it around the room for a bit. When Mathias was on the floor Wilhelm came over to him with is playcars and handed them over for him to play with. The fact that a boy a bit over a year has the concept of sharing by free will and co-playing just blew my mind. He was so kind, quiet and thoughtfull. Sadly, he was ill, no one knew because he didn't complain at all, and we didn't notice until he threw up. I don't think he'll return tomorrow, which is a bit sad.

The other adults were all really nice too. The women I work with are all really sporty and nice. Well, one seem to suffer a lot from headache and was very tired, the other behaved a bit like she owned the kids and didn't quite trust that I could handle the situations. But she soon gave me a bit of space as she saw that the kids liked me. Anyway, we are much fewer adults than we should be per group right now (and tomorrow we'll only be two), so they forgot to give me the proper instructions as to who kid is allowed to this and who should do that and when we should do this. But no worries! The oldest girls in the group was put to the case of raising the new kindergarten-nanny, and damn, they knew their business. I can't remember ever having been that conscious of my surroundings when I was in kindergarten. All I remember was chewing rocks because I saw it on tv once, argue with my friends, fight, play with the boys, staring at the sky (I did that a lot. I have lots of memories of sky staring o_O) and generally just being a brat. But then again, I also have a distinct memory of a lot of scolding from the nannies, I might have been one of the kids you just want to shut in a room and keep away from the other kids... anyway! What I wanted to say was that I had no clue what went around me at all. I didn't know the nannies' names (just called them kindergarten-aunts), I hardly even knew which group I belonged to, or where my food was, or my clothing... these kids just know everything like the back of their hands.

Well, I could write an entire essay about this, but I won't haha XD Anyway, bet I'll be writing even more tomorrow!!