Volunteering

I haven't updated in a while... oh my, there I suddenly wrote in English. Well, never mind, I'll write this in English.

Anyway. Yeah. No updates. I've been thinking about it, of course things have been happening. But I've been so content with stuff, I haven't really needed to whine much. And whatever I've wanted to whine about, has been something I wouldn't part with on a blog for anything. Who knows who will find it right? I don't kid myself thinking there's anyone reading this, but someone might stumble upon it, and that would be unfortunate.

Not like the secret is earth shattering. Like the world as we know it will rock on it's foundation. It concerns the previous post I made, the lyrics, and we all know how freakin' well it went last time I admitted to "The One" that I fancied him. HAH. No, certainly not repeating that mistake. I'll just enjoy the person's company in peace, and be satisfied with that. He's my kind of pilot, and he could of taken me to the stars, but he's... engaged with another rocketship xP

That be as it may. New Years went and passed as uneventful as it usually does. Putting number on time is not something I like. I don't celebrate New Years, I don't pay much mind to my birthday and I don't even wear a watch of any kind. Time has always been my enemy. It has hounded me for years, forcing me to run until I puke. I am not obeying to it's nazi hollers anymore.

Christmas holiday was uneventful. I find it strange returning to old pastures. It's so dead. There's not even an echo there. I feel claustrophobic, to be perfectly honest. And even if I think I hurt mum and my family by being so closed off and longing back to Bergen, I hope they'll understand. I've always been so restless, and those places reminds me of a pain and darkness I am fleeing from. This is the place I sunk into depression, this is the place where I started to hate myself, gnawing at my own bones. Hacking at them with razonblades. When animals in cages gnaw at their own paws they're in pain, I don't think it's any different with humans. When I then return I feel some of it still stoke my back, making the hairs stand on end. I feel paranoid, restless, claustrophobic and hateful. I am not that Siren anymore. I am not that scared little girl, forced up in a corner, and attacking anything that moves. I don't want to be reminded of her either. Not yet.

Speaking of getting away. We had an awesome man with a rainbow watch hold a lecture for us today. He came from the RCNUWC and spoke to us about a volunteer programme he was working on. To explain it brief: he travels from school to school talking about volunteering, recruits people, and help them send applications to good volunteering programmes that you can trust.

It soundes beyond perfect.

Just what I've wanted. This came shooting at me like lightening from a clear sky. Initially I thought of applying at the Writer's Art Academy in Bergen, pretty high up there, but I held little hope for even being accepted. Besides, I was less than enthused about writing the application. They want a realist psychological text on between 10 and 15 pages. That's really not my thing, not yet. And if that's what they want... well... that's not what I feel like giving at the time. But this, this volunteering, that's really an opportunity. New culture, working as a teacher, really experiencing new and exciting things! Challenge myself!

Of all the places I am most enthused about Thailand. I don't know, there's just something about it that suddenly fancied me a lot. I really want to work there. I want to learn the culture, the language, the people; everything.

The application is pretty thorough, and they want it within a short period of time. I'll have to magick up a tidy sum for it, but I really want this. I feel really motivated. For the first time I actually want to forsake my little pleasures in order to save up money. I hope I get accepted. So far I haven't seen many Norwegians as volunteers. That's a bit disheartening, but we'll see. I won't give up before the game has begun.

Today I spent the entire afternoon after classes reading up on the different programmes and what they need for the applications. There's several things I want, unfortunately it seems like we an only apply for one thing at the time, but I'll email Peter and ask him a few questions. I'll continue researching tomorrow.

I am not letting this opportunity get away from me!