A case of underjoyed

I am so gone in my head right now. On a realistic and logical level I know it's because I haven't been at work since Friday and I am bored and as such I get down. I need to always be in activity to feel good and the weather is fucking... damn the weather. On a different level I also know it's the disappointment because we didn't get the apartment, plus the weather again, and just general downness. I am a bit worried about my continious headache too. Anyway... I stole this from huivanta so:

SEVEN THINGS IN YOUR ROOM:
Dio, Prince, lotr books, LOVELESS mangas, foxplushie, dragonposters, guitar

SEVEN RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS:

Does someone like you?
I dunno, maybe.

Last real crush?
Eh, well we have that friend of mine. But that's just continous heartache. I'd like to say Shuu ('cause I am a fangirl like that).

Been lead on?
No, I lead other people on.

Been cheated on?
No... again I am the one who cheats

Want a relationship?
Maybe it would be nice.

Wanna get married?
Am set to get married in eight years XD

SEVEN THINGS YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT:
my friends, bus-card, mp3 player, mobile, laptop, books, fox plushie


SEVEN THINGS ON YOUR MIND:
My recsent brain meltdown (I really don't want to go through all of those tests again. Electrodes to your head is no fun), apartment (we didn't get the one in gøteborg), work (do I really have the stanima?), money (I pay too much taxes and the wrong taxes... I need more money now), moving (wonder how I'll be able to get a job and apartment in copenhagen), writing (I haven't been focusing enough on the Project these last weeks and I feel bad about it), books (I notice I take them too seriously lately. Foolproof sign that I might get into one of my "periods" again. That and the migraine kind of underlines this... I really don't want this... I need to stay here)

SEVEN OTHER THINGS- DO YOU:

Had a dream come true?
No... well I did see Dir en grey and I kinda met them. So... a small dream anyway

Read the newspaper?
Only the comics. The newspapers' lack of serious topics just piss me off

Pray?
Why should I pray to anyone but myself? I am the only one with the power to change things.

Have a best friend?
I do <3

Had braces?
Nope, I should have had but we never afforded it. And my mother kinda forgot... so now I have horse teeth.

Wish on stars?
Of course not.

SEVEN HAVE YOU EVERS:
Kiss someone of the same sex?
Quite obviously yes

Swam in the dark?
I think so.

Been to a Bonfire?
Nope

Ran away from home?
No, I wish I could.

Played strip poker?
Many times, I am always the one sitting there in nothing at the end.

Pulled an all nighter?
All the time.

SEVEN THINGS IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU:
Been drunk?
No

Had fun?
No

Been kissed?
No

Felt stupid?
Not that I can remember

Talked to an ex?
No

Missed someone?
All the time <3

Hugged someone?
My mum, sister, cousin and grandma.

Dayamn

Yesterday I had to go home from work because of some kind of seizure. I have yet to figure out what it is... though I believe it's either a weirder form of my migraine or that my migraine has developed into a very, very small (veeeery small mind you) epilepsy. These seizures are sporadic, but relatively short. It's like fainting, just that I never faint completely. Now that I have fainted "properly" during the girugämesh concert I have a way to compare the two incidents, and what I previously thought was just regular fainting-spells seems to be a bit more... sinister? It starts with a period of disorientation, where the time moves slower or in brackets. Like one second I am talking, the next something entirely different is happening. As if several seconds of my time has been cut out. Then my sight darkens from the edges and turns to black and grey with spots. This is where I want to link it to my migraine, because the spots remind me a lot of the pre-migraine state. As this happens I lose the control of my muscles and often sag down but without really noticing before the nearest hard surface is in contact with my head *cough* I also get a taste of metal in my mouth, and the sensation as if my entire body has been treated with electricity. I am often very dizzy, sick and disoriented a long time after these fainting-spells. They never last for long though (the fainting in itself only last for a minute or so, but the before and aftermath can last a bit longer), and before I never viewed it as anything but a bother. But yesterday I had to leave work because I had one of these in the register. That is not okay. Fainting or so in public is not something I wish, especially not during work. So I am trying to get a hang of my doctor to book an appointment. People who know me know how much I HATE the doctor, so now I am taking it seriously. Besides all my joints have been given me a lot of pain lately, so I thought I'd just take it all in one go and be done with doctors for a good while.

Anyway, enough of the hypochondriac-ness now. Over to my actual rant.

I left work yesterday because of this, and still I don't feel well in my body and am really not eager to return to a stressing job. I work at the ice bar today and on Saturdays its hell on earth, you guys can't even imagine (except BB-san, I gather). So I asked my mum about it and she said I was to call in sick, so I did. When I called in I got the message that it was my responsibility to find a back up if I couldn't come in today. Wait what? When did that become my responsibility? I checked my contract and nope, under sickleave there's no mention of having to find a back up at all. So I tried to call my boss twice but she didn't answer, so I tried to get a hang of my OTHER boss, and she didn't answer either. Finally my first boss called me back after several tries and I told her I was not able to come in today. (Personally I am not certain I want to return to work at all until I figure out what these seizures are, but that might take months or weeks so no can do). My boss then wondered whether or not I had called around and asked if anyone else could take over my shift. Again: wait what? THIS IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY! I am not even permanently hired, I am just a part time help D: It agitates me that they do not have enough of an establishment that they can handle sickleave. Damn them. Besides, it's the mall-etiquette that every employee have every second Saturday off. Do you guys think I have had every second Saturday off? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! No. I have worked every Saturday since I started. So if I call in sick one Saturday? Damn I have the right to! *haruphs*

:D

I am drinking cocoa with cream and eating homemade bread with brown cheese. It's like I am right back in my childhood again except I am reading HP smut as I am eating :D

/end too much info

Typical.

Me and my mum are arguing again. That blood hag. She feels I should be doing more at home... yeah... 'when?' I asked. At what time should I do more? the half hour I've got to eat breakfast before work or the halfhour I have sitting peering at the screen trying to write when I get home before succumbing into sleep? She says I doesn't work THAT much ALL the time. No... no I don't. There's some days where there's a few hours before I go to work, and some, lo and behold, I got off! Some weeks I actually have two days off like a normal human being! Who would have thought ... So I asked her 'When this week would I have had time to do any sort of work here at home?' and she answered me 'Well, now for starters? You could have taken the vacuumer when you were done with the shower.' (I started work at eleven, I got up at eight to have a bit of time in the morning since I like that.) So I answered 'Oh ok. But why didn't you tell me then, so that I could have skipped breakfast and my morning tea to vacuum under your ass?' Then her eyes grew big because she had apparently forgotten I needed breakfast. OH NO INVINSIBLE SIREN DOES NOT NEED BREAKFAST. SHE NEEDS TO CLEAN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE WHICH YOU HAVE TOLD HER SEVERAL TIME IS NOT HER HOME BUT JUST HER TEMPERAL LODGING UNTIL SHE GETS OUT. She was originally also planning to help me economically with moving out, but she withdrew that offer just as she told me to get out as soon as possible. Logical? Not in the least. My mum doesn't have to be you see, because she's always right. Or "right". She gets to heated up in the argument she bloody well forgets what's possible or not. She started this argument because she was doing some chores around the house and I was drinking my morning tea trying to hurry and answer a comment by suomi_goth before running for the bus. Do you guys know what my mum does during the days? Nothing. Thaaat's right, she does nothing. She doesn't work. I have two jobs and still she wants me to clean up. So it ended with her not bothering "to do anything for your ungrateful ass" anymore. Including HANGING UP MY WET WORKCLOTHES WHICH I NEEDED FOR TODAY WHILE SHE KNEW I COULD NOT BE HOME UNTIL HALF PAST ELEVEN LAST NIGHT BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? I WAS WORKING! So now I have to wear a wet uniform. Thanks mum, thanks for being OH SO FUCKING BRIGHT.

When I move out, I am never coming back. Never the fucking way. I'll just break contact for a good few years. Maybe I can stand her ugly attitude then.

We haven't talked for two days.

Bitchy McBitchson! - a rant about work

I always start at the wrong side of the baguette, which annoys me... Anyway, over to the actual rant here:

At my work I have a boss that is an incredible Bitch. Yes Bitch with a capital B. I am not talking about a girl who knows how to stand up for herself, I am talking about an old bitter hag who has nothing better to do than harass people who doesn't do things her own way. She's a Bitch, and I want to cut her face. Anyway, in the beginning I was terrified of her. I worked as hard as I could, tried to take initiative so that she would notice and just generally getting on her good side. It seemed as if it worked, slightly. She smiled and we talked and such, but for some reason she STILL felt like bitching on me and everything I did. Most people who know me know that I have the temperament of a Latino, meaning no temperament at all. I just go off like a bomb. Not even a ticking bomb, because that would have meant there would be time in-between the insult and the reaction. No, I just go off, preferably right in their face. But I am not stupid either (well not entirely) and I know this is my work and she is my boss. I kept my head low and just nodded at her and her fucking bitching. But then the last days, especially last week since I was so tired, I couldn't prevent myself from huffing or coming with the occasional "I know that, you don't have to tell me AGAIN". Thus our fragile bond broke and she has been bitching at me non-stop and I have been glaring non-stop. And yesterday was the stand off, the day neither of us could handle the other one anymore. Lemme tell the story that has made me somewhat of a legend with the floor people at the café (they all hate her):

I was standing making waffles, and for some reason there was a load of people wanting waffles right then and we were running out. I was talking to a girl fixing the marmalade beside me that I needed more waffle-dough since I had ran out of that too. Apparently she didn't hear me because she went back to the dishwashers. I had a couple of waffles in the wafflemakers, but I thought I could have the time to fetch some dough if I hurried. So I ran to the closest fridge we have dough in, but Bitchy McBitchson was standing on front of it so I said 'Excuse me' and as she moved I took a peek inside. Then she managed to say in a real pissy tone "we don't have any dough THERE'. How was I supposed to know we didn't have dough there hm? I had to check didn't I? It's customary to check the closest place to you when you're in a hurry whether it has what you need right? So I snapped a 'how was I supposed to know THAT?' over my shoulder as I hurried to the other fridge. There it was dough, but some of it had spilled down and made the handle wet. I didn't see this however, and these bowls are HUGE and HEAVY. So needless to say it slipped out of my grip and I spilled some on the floor. A sound 'fuckin' cunt' was heard as that's how I roll when I swear. Anyway, I hurry back just in time to save the waffles and as I stand there fixing things Bitchy McBitchson move over to Bitchson Jr. (it's her daughter) and leans in (she was standing like two metres away from me, wtf?) and says 'god that Siren, you should have seen, she was angry and managed to spill that damn waffledough on the floor. God is it even possible?' By this time my blood is seething and I turn around looking at her as she talks and the fucking cunt is staring right back, knowing I am hearing it. Then she goes to fetch some toast as if it never happened and I say 'that is not how it happened and you know it,' and she just looks at me and goes 'you must stop being so angry.' I just wanted to shout "ME STOP BEING ANGRY YOU CUNT?! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MAKES PEOPLE CALL IN SICK BECAUSE THEY CAN'T HANDLE YOUR PISSY FACE!!" Anyway I didn't, I just said in a calm and collected tone 'if you wish to back-talk me, do it somewhere I can't hear you.' She never answered that and just went back to the customers. So, a little while later I head back to the dishwashers because I don't want to be in front looking at her ugly mug. She comes back to handle some customers on the automat and gives me a glare, of course I glare back because I am that way. She snaps a ‘calm down’ to me and of course I have to do the opposite by smashing the dishes down while glaring. Then she says: 'Do you want me to talk to Gro about this?' (Gro is the top boss), I was tempted to say 'yes, so I can tell her all about you fucker' but I just shook my head and made a pointing motion between the two of us while I leaned in close (she ain't that tall) 'this is between you and me, WE are to talk about this understood?' Then I went back to the dishwashers and she said no more to me the entire day. But of course she suddenly started to talk and smile to the other Floor girl, who she has never even said hello to before and needless to say the girl was terrified half to death and thought she was going to die. Lol, says much about the Bitch ne?

THE END

lol... I think o_O I think I'll hear more from her. She's used to get it JUST how she wants it. The Boss is never down to check so she runs the place as if it's hers. She has worked there since forever and all her daughters have worked there with her and shit. But yeah, I am not taking it. I'm gonna say it as it is; I don't take shit, not from anyone. I have another job; my grades are good enough that if I want to I can easily get another. No prob. I quit if the Boss takes her favour, and they will regret it. Until now the Boss has told me that I have gotten immense positive feedback, even from the customers. The other girls are of course in awe now XD The only Floor girl that was there together with me that morning went around telling all the others as soon as they arrived later in the evening. Many are sure I am gonna get hell now, but I am accustomed to that and I am accustomed to giving hell too so no biggie.

Pfft, didn't I tell you all about not liking to cause drama BB? Apparently I lied XDDDD

I AM A DRAMA QUEEN DESU! And a fucking pissed one at that *nods*

Yeah, I never update much do I? The simple reason for that is that there's not really much to update on. Now that spring is fast emerging (HOMG THERE'S BARE DRY CONCRETE OUTSIDE <3) my habitual winter depression and emoness is waning like melting snow (hurrrr, loves me some lame metaphors). The sky is blue, I am drinking a good cup of tea and listening to Plastic Tree which is becoming my new favourite band (well, Dir en grey will always be on top, but that's a sort of 'duh' factor). I love them, I love how they make me feel. While Dir en grey has the bad habit of always making it seems as if... nothing really helps. That everything is just BAD. I have now realized after a lot of Pura (plastic tree) listening how Dir en grey's music actually make me feel. Not for that, it's still the most gorgeous music in the world and I will never give them up because that music means just that much to me, it's just so lovely listening to a band which makes me feel the presence. It's so hard do describe without going all mushy and metaphorical and embarrassing. Anyway, Pura makes the present seem good, it makes me notice it and appreciating it. Pura's music is like the fresh air and blue sky in spring *nods* Enough of that silliness, not a soul in the world cares except me.

Yesterday I worked about 14 hours, give or take half an hour. It was ok though, I actually enjoyed myself and the time went by real fast. The fact that I slept only three hours before getting up at five in the morning did mean that I caved at half past twelve when I got home and slept all until now (that's over 12 hours straight ppl). Now I am making ready for a day of writing, because NO WORK TODAY OH YAY!

I also had some sort of foodpoisoning or something last week which was... horrible. I was alternating between lying on the floor crying and puking/having diarrea so much I was puking blood. I kept on bleeding for a good few days but I don't think that's a detail anyone cares too much to read about XP I feel that it's finally getting a bit better though, my stomach is more set and my energy is more back. Last week I had no energy at all and was just hanging around at work trying not to burst into tears. Anyway, things are good now ^^

Other "big" news is that I finally ORDERED MY SECOND DOLL PRINCE HOMG FOUR DAYS AGO AND I DON'T KNOW WHEN HE GETS HERE BUT I CAN'T WAIT! *twirls* Besides that I also bought my first Pura album, Nega to Posi <3<3<3<3<3 A lot of nice things *nods*

Hmmm, have there been anything else... err.. I got a hold of the Battle Royale book on sale! (in norway there's a huge sale now called Mammut Salget and we have a bookstore right across the cafe and needless to say I spend waaaay too much time over thuuur). It's way different than the movie but still not... There's a few different details which is given since it's two different medias, but the same feeling is still there *nods*. The insane system that allows this and then views it as given and everything. It's all set in an alternative universe where Japan is a Revolutionary State ruling most of the east Asian empire and etc. Rock music and such isn't allowed for instance. And the guy who wins at the end is of course a rocker, lolol. Indicating that YOU CAN'T HOLD US DOWN WE WILL PWN YOUR ASS! And Kiriyama... oh hurr... he has long black hair in the book, and he's so intelligent and quiet (well I haven't gotten to the killing part yeeet) and he's a part of the class. Both the outsider students suddenly showing up in the movie is actually guys from their class who moved over later in the year. Anyway, enough about that I am not spoiling you guys D:

Besides all this I don't really think there's much more to add! Thanks to whoever managed to read through all that crap XD