Today I got hurt by someone I thought couldn't hurt me anymore. Not that it by any means was intentional, I don't think, but the action was surprisingly hurting. In many layered parts. For a long time I've been pretty certain that all relations and feelings were gone, and felt glad for it. But lately things have been bubbling just under the surface, and somehow it was like getting a fist in the face today. Just an innocent thing, with no real relations towards me at all, made my tears well up and I felt awfully embarrassed. All I wanted to do was throw everything I had in my hands to the floor and run away, like I did when it was at it's worst.

Luckily an unknowing(or perhaps he actually saw) Torgeir distracted me by asking if I wanted a cup of coffee. It got me out of the pit of self pity, even if I was shaken for a long while after.


It's getting so cold here I hardly know what to do. We're literally trapped inside the school since it's unbearable to be outside for any longer parts of time. The cold here is so wet and damp and it just sneaks in under your clothes and onwards until it sits in your bones. On the eastern parts of the country the cold is at this time usually very dry. It's more like a physical vacuum, while this crawls into your body and stays there.


At the moment I am reading Kokkyo no minami, tayo no nishi by Murakami Haruki. Apparently he's supposed to be some fantastic writer, but I am not seeing it yet. It's been clichéd and full of bad endings and bad beginnings. But I am getting more caught up in it, so it might just prove to be good after all. The list of books I have on my nightstand atm long, but I am looking forward to each and every one of them. Sometimes it feels like there's nothing to read at all, so I am happy that my interest is piqued again. There are moments where the concentration is so busted you just can't read a page, much less a whole book.

Next up is Nations by Terry Pratchett, onward is Finnegans Wake by James Joyce, The Living Dead that's a collection of zombie stories by authors I adore and lastly the Golden Compass. Those are the ones on my nightstand, but I have some more unread in my shelves that needs to be read too.