It's gorgeous weather outside again today.

I am listening to Plastic Tree, I have hardly listened to anything else the last days.

My head is killing me.

I feel slightly like crying, and I don't know why.


I had a dream again this morning. I was an angel, a male angel... but not a good angel, I was like Lestat just in angel form. And I was head over heels in love with this girl, who on the outside seemed like a very proper Victorian girl (because we were during the Victorian times), but on the inside she was truly evil, or at least an outright bitch. But she didn't want me, not really, so I pretended I had an affair with the priest who had come visiting at the mansion.
She got really angry and run away, but I came after her, of course. To tell her I had only done it because I was hurt and that it had been a childish thing and I was really sorry. Anyway, the dream jumps a lot, and the only thing I can remember clearly is that we sit inside this really rotten old house, and she says she wants to test me, how much I trust her and want her. So she asks me to open my mouth and poke out my tongue, and then she takes a hatpin out of her hair and starts to slowly pierce my tongue with it. I remember that I snapped back my head on instinct, but she gave me such a dark look, a sort of "hah, I knew you didn't really trust me". So I eventually let her do it, just to prove that I did. And the blood was gushing out of my mouth and choking me, so I began coughing, and she just looked at me with this "god, you're pathetic" sort of look. I mostly just remember her look and disgust, and the taste of blood and being choked by it. I had long blonde hair in this dream, and huge white wings. But I was still somewhat of an arse, even though I would have died for her. The feeling of the cold metal of the pin before it pierced my tongue was, and still is, disconcertingly vivid.